I present:
10 things the MLB should consider in order to save baseball from being dead as a dog.
MORE VIOLENCE
The NFL is so successful because it is simulated war. In a safe, contemporary US society we turn to these entertaining, violent outlets to satisfy our natural craving for conflict. My suggestions would be to allow team’s three legal HBPs below the chin and above the belt per game, as well as base runners not being allowed to let go of their bat so they can use as a weapon.
NO HGH BAN
Some of the most fan-appealing and greatest baseball players were juiceheads. Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Roger Clemens, Manny Ramirez. The game would be much better off if a specific group of players modeled their game and drug regime after these beasts.
SHORTER PITCHING MOUND
How cool would it be for Kershaw to throw a 125 MPH fastball across the plate to a juiced-up Fernando Tatis? Cmon. 75-foot mound.
REPLACE BOB MANFRED WITH CC SABATHIA
Rob Manfred is an anti-baseball / anti-fun pussy. Stick big ole’ CC in that spot and watch what happens.
SHORTER SEASON
Nobody gives a fuck about 162 games. Call it 100.
WORLD SERIES END OF AUGUST AT A NEUTRAL SITE
With the 100 game season, move the Series to the end of August at a neutral site. Imagine a week-long party in any major city to celebrate both the end of summer and end of baseball season? I’m making a lot of good points here.
HOUSTON ASTROS GET THE DEATH PENALTY
Fuck ’em
NEW AL NORTHEAST
Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, Phillies, Orioles. I present the new MLB Northeast.
ONE MINOR LEAGUE AFFILIATE PER TEAM
Too many minor league teams as of now. Roll it up into one and make it a bigger deal like the NBA is trying to do with the g-league.
NEW UNIFORMS
If people like Giancarlo Stanton know they are not going to want to slide in a sweaty July ballgame, let that man show off his quads in some short-shorts. Also, stop making the managers wear the uniforms. They look ridiculous.
Agree or Disagree?
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